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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23250664">a bad idea</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretgreendreams/pseuds/secretgreendreams'>secretgreendreams</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gintama</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Affairs, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bittersweet, Enemies, Gintoki is a tease, Hijikata POV, Joui Gintoki, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Sad Ending, Sad and Sweet, Shinsengumi Hijikata, Shiroyasha - Freeform, This actually makes no sense, both are kinda ooc, but also kinda not?, but also not really, mentioned sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 16:07:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,535</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23250664</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretgreendreams/pseuds/secretgreendreams</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"I wouldn't be able to forget these eyes for the rest of my life, the way they stared into my soul and stripped me of all my covers."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Sooo, since the work is finished now I'm rewriting this note.<br/>Like I said in the first note, this was originally supposed to be a one shot that was born out of my love for Gintoki/Hijikata. Gintoki is still a Joui member in this fan fiction, though it's not grandly touched upon.<br/>Two warnings before you read this:<br/>1. Gintoki and Hijikata are enemies in this story. They don't get together in the end, but there are a lot of sweet (maybe more bittersweet) moments in between.<br/>2. English isn't my first language, so you'll probably find some mistakes. I'm sorry about that, I try to avoid them but when you're not writing in your native language, it can be hard sometimes. So if you find any, feel free to inform me, and I'll try to correct them.<br/>If you still want to read this, then I hope you enjoy this story!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sweet smell of blood rose up into my nose. The heavy smell of iron weighted down on the air and it was hard to breathe. I took a deep breath, raised my sword and looked my opponent in the eyes. His demonic stare nearly made me falter, his eyes were as red as freshly spilled blood, as red as spider lilies, the flowers of death. I wouldn't be able to forget these eyes for the rest of my life, the way they stared into my soul and stripped me of all my covers.</p><p> </p><p>“Hijikata-san!” Sougo's voice made me turn around. There had been more Joui attacks as of lately and the Shinsengumi had a lot of work to do.</p><p>“What is it, Sougo?” I asked, a cigarette hanging loosely from my lips. I was on patrol right now, but I had asked to be kept informed of all changes at all times.</p><p>“We've received a tip. Our informant says theres a chance for it being a Joui hide out!” Once the words left Sougo's lips, I already turned to leave towards the barracks to start preparing our operation. As he walked next to me he told me more details. “It's a small apartment above a bar in Kabukichou. Yamazaki has already left to observe it, in case something happens. The bar owner is a woman called Otose, we did a background check on her, but she doesn't seem to be affiliated with the Joui.”</p><p>“Good,” I responded.</p><p>Once in the barracks, I started calling my men together and let Sougo tell them the details. Once Sougo was done, I cleared my throat and everyone's attention was on me.</p><p>“Okay everyone! We're going to raid the place. Yamazaki hasn't reported any changes until now, so there's a big chance they're still in there. Here's the plan. We're going to place four groups, three people each around the house, to minimize their possibilities to flee. Five men are coming with me and Sougo to enter the apartment. There we will try to arrest as many of them as possible. While I will not forbid you to kill them, have in mind that they are criminals who should be brought to justice in front of the law and not your swords. The rest will come after us with the police cars so that we can bring them to jail. Any questions?” As no-one spoke up, I nodded and then yelled “Let's go!”</p><p>The apartment above Otose's sack bar was small, was the first thing I noticed as my group entered it as silently as possible. We could hear voices from inside the living room. Sougo and I each stood beside one side of the door and after a quick agreement with our eyes I pulled the door open and yelled “Shinsengumi! You're under arrest!” The Joui members in the room froze and were pulled into a moment of stupor, before they snapped out of it and grabbed their weapons. I grinned as the first started to approach me with their swords pointed in my direction. The fight was over quickly from which I concluded that they were all pretty small fishes. As we led the rebells out of the buildings, a sword that was leaned on one of the walls fell into my eyes. I gave one of the men the order to watch over the rest, before I approached the sword. I pulled it from it's sheath and admired it. It was beautiful and quite light, definitely not a cheap sword like others often had. No, it was obvious that it's owner was a skilled swordsman who took great care of his sword, judging from the shape the sword was in. I took the sword with me as evidence and followed the rest of the Shinsengumi back to the barracks.</p><p>A day later I drove to the prison to start the questioning. I took the sword with me. It was important to find out who the swords owner was. He was probably one of the Joui leaders and took a crucial part in the recent attacks. At least this idea wasn't far fetched, so it was very important. In total I would have to question eight members over the next few days. Every one of the questionings started with the question “are you a member of the Joui?” to which the answer always was “yes”. After all most Joui took pride in being part of the organization, probably similar to the way a Shinsengumi member was proud.</p><p>Then I would ask if they had taken part in any attacks, and if yes, how big their role was. To this question the answers varied greatly. Some answered yes, they had taken part in attacks, others answered no. The ones that had taken part, described the different tasks they had, but never told him how they operated or any other information that could be used to track down other members or even the leaders. I had known from the beginning that most Joui members probably wouldn't leak any information to the Shinsengumi but it was still frustrating that even though we arrested eight members, not one of them would give any information about the leaders. One of them was already known to us, Katsura Kotarou, but I also knew there was at least one more leader. At least that was what the sword indicated. I knew for a fact that it wasn't Katsura's sword, so it's owner at least had to be a big fish. That was what my gut told me, and my gut feeling was almost always right.</p><p>Once the regular questioning was finished, I pulled out the sword and started questioning them about it. To my surprise their mouths weren't as shut closed to this topic than to the others.</p><p>When I sat across the last guy he actually started laughing. But it wasn't the kind of laugh that told me that I was on a wrong track, but more like he was looking forward to enjoy our suffering or something. It was seriously creepy. Once he had calmed down, he looked me deep in the eyes and said: “You're going to regret taking it with you. You'll get eaten by a demon.”</p><p>The last guys words wouldn't leave my mind for the following week. We would get eaten by a demon? I was thinking hard. Was there a Joui member who had the reputation for being a demon? I had a feeling the answer to that question would also be the answer to the mystery owner of the sword. The Joui demon was the owner of the sword that was now in our evidence room, I was sure of it.</p><p>On one evening about three weeks after the arresting I found myself in front of a bar. After we had arrested those eight guys the Joui rebells seemed to take a break. There hadn't been any new attacks or bombings and for once I allowed myself to let lose for once and go to a bar in the evening.</p><p>“Hijikata-san, good evening,” greeted me the lady behind the counter. “Do you want the usual?”</p><p>I nodded and sat down in front of the counter. Once I was sitting I took a cigarette and started smoking. It didn't take long until my usual food, kindly named the Hijikata – Special, and a bottle of sake was placed in front of me. I immediately started eating away at the Mayo and the rice. Meanwhile the door opened again and again the lady greeted the guest. “Gintoki-san, it's been a while.” She seemed surprised with the new customer, but not displeased. If she called him by his name he probably was a regular customer, just like me.</p><p>“Yo, auntie. The usual please.” My ears were greeted with a deep but soft voice, that was quite pleasing to the ears. The new customer sat down next to me. For the first time since he entered the bar I turned to take a look at him and I must admit, he looked stunning. He wore a white Kimono with blue patterns, which made him stand out against most male customers here who, like myself, wore Kimono in dark colours. But what made him stand out the most was his curly white hair, that almost looked silver in the light of the bar. As if he felt me stare he turned to me and my breath caught in my throat. He had blood red eyes that were the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. Gintoki, as the guy was probably called, smiled at me teasingly and asked: “Like what you see?” I could feel my cheeks heating up in an instant as I took on an offended expression. “Of course not!” I almost screamed. My neighbour let out a deep laugh and winked at me. “I was only joking.”</p><p>With red cheeks I turned to my food again and resumed to eat. I had a feeling that this evening wouldn't turn out quite as I wanted it to, if I let myself be swayed by this man.</p><p>“I'm Gintoki, by the way,” my neighbour started again and I nodded. I had heard that when he had entered after all. “Hijikata Toshirou,” I responded and saw his eyebrows raising. “The de- I mean the vice commander of the Shinsengumi?” I nodded.</p><p>Gintoki laughed again and said: “I hadn't thought I'd run into you tonight.” Then he looked at me again and let his eyes wander over every visible part of me. “And I certainly didn't think you'd look this good.” Again I felt my cheeks heating up. This guy was definitely trying to flirt with me! I looked at my food again and said: “You're not so bad yourself.”</p><p>“Hooh?” he said and started eating as well. His food had arrived a few minutes ago, but he had been talking to me instead of eating. We spent the rest of the time talking and drinking, before it got too late and we both rose to leave the bar. I handed over my money and looked at Gintoki, but he didn't pay. He saw me looking and shrugged. “I have a tab here.”</p><p>Once we had left the bar I turned to leave towards the barracks but Gintoki stopped me by holding my wrist.</p><p>“When I said you were good-looking, I wasn't lying, you know?” he said and pulled me closer to him. For the millionth time this evening my cheeks heated up and I looked at our feet. “I wasn't either,” I mumbled.</p><p>Gintoki pulled me even closer. I could feel (and see) his hand that was gripping my chin lightly and I let him raise my head. He looked me deep into my eyes with his amazingly red ones and I could feel him asking for my permission. I nodded and finally he leaned forward to press our lips together. First carefully, the with a bit more force. He held my head between his hands and I let mine wander to his back as we kissed each other heatedly. When we finally broke lose, due to lack of air, I took his wrist and pulled him with me towards the barracks. Somewhere in the back of my mind a part of me screamed this was a bad idea, but I blocked it out. I was too intoxicated and turned on to care. I hadn't done something like this in ages and for once I wanted to be free to do whatever I wanted.</p><p>In the safety of my room, Gintoki and I were pressed close to each other as we kissed and made love to each other. Moments of pure bliss mixed with the happiness I felt when I knew I wouldn't be alone tonight. When we were finally done I was so spent, I fell asleep in Gintoki's arms, his sweet smell filling my nose to calm me down. I hadn't felt this good in a long time.</p><p>The next morning I woke up alone. Gintoki hadn't left any traces. It was as if he had never been here, and if it wasn't for the hickeys I was covered in, I would've thought it had been a dream. Emptiness filled me. I had expected to wake up in his arms, surrounded by his warmth and sweet smell, but I hadn't. Sighing, I pushed my disappointment into the back of my mind. I couldn't let myself be distracted by my feelings, I had work to do.</p><p>As if Yamazaki had read my mind he yelled from outside my room: “Vice Commander, it's an emergency!”</p><p>“What is it?” I asked as I was getting dressed. I could hear Yamazaki gulp nervously through the thin paper door. “The sword, sir. It's been stolen!”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sword had been stolen. While I wanted to deny the possibility of Gintoki being the thief, I knew that it wasn't unlikely. I barely knew him and he could easily be a Joui member. If that was true, then I had been the one who let him in here, then he had just used me to get inside the barracks. While I felt like locking myself in my room from embarrassment and guilt, I knew I couldn't. Which was why I was sitting across from Kondou-san now, with him staring expectantly at me, waiting for me to talk.</p><p>After I let out a long and exasperated sigh, I finally began to speak. “I might know who the robber is.” Kondou-san raised his eye brows but didn't interrupt me. “I hooked up with someone yesterday, a man. His name was Gintoki. I don't know the rest of his name but, well, I brought him here. He was gone this morning, with him the sword, so I think it's likely that he was the robber.”</p><p>“I see. Well I think you know what you have to do now. But thank you for informing me, I'm sure that wasn't easy,” Kondou-san finally said and then grinned. “At least you had fun last night.”</p><p>I blushed lightly and then stood up to leave.</p><p>Once outside I yelled for Yamazaki. I wanted him to do some research on Gintoki.</p><p>“Look wether you can find a man named Gintoki among the Joui warriors who fought in the war and bring me any information you find on him.” Yamazaki saluted and then hurried away. I myself went to leave the barracks. I wanted to gather information in town. There had to be some leads on him, after all, he was a regular at the bar where I was yesterday. It also couldn't be bad to ask Otose, the owner of bar beneath the apartment where we arrested those Joui members three weeks before.</p><p>First, I went to yesterdays bar. When I opened the door I was greeted by surprise from the lady behind the counter. “Hijikata-san!”</p><p>“Hello. I'm here to ask something.” I sat down in front of the counter and waited until she was done taking orders from her customers. Then she turned to me and gave me a smile. “How can I help you?”</p><p>“This is about Gintoki, the man from yesterday. I wanted to know if you have any helpful information regarding him.” The lady gave me a knowing smile. “You want to woo him, don't you?” She asked teasingly. I sputtered. “N-No! Why would I want to do that?” I asked with a face as red as a tomato. “Well, you did get along very well with each other yesterday, and you did leave together. No need to be embarrassed, Hijikata-san,” she laughed. With my face still red I shook my head. “No, really. This is about work.” She gave me a look that said: <em>I don't believe you, </em>but she gave in anyways. “I honestly only know his food preferences. He loves sweet things and he almost never pays. He never talked about his personal life, like other customers do.” I sighed but nodded. “Thank you for your help.”</p><p>Next up was Otose's snack bar. I hoped to find some leads there, but if she also didn't have any, then I wouldn't have any possibilities left. Then I would have to rely on Yamazaki's information only, given the case he found anything. How could I only have two leads on Gintoki, two stores and nothing more? I didn't know him but we talked to each other for several hours. How could it be that despite having talked to him for such a long time, he didn't give away anything about him? It again felt like I had spent time with a ghost.</p><p>Otose was an older lady who ran a snack bar in Kabukichou. She seemed fierce when I first talked to her and she still seemed fierce when I entered her bar the second time this month. She glanced at me suspiciously from the side as she served a customer and the customers did the same. It was obvious the Shinsengumi wasn't welcome in this bar. The fact that we had raided the flat above probably didn't help that matter. After all the Shinsengumi usually meant trouble and most shop owners wanted to avoid getting bad attention.</p><p>“How can I help you?” she asked, just like the kind lady from the bar before, but unlike her her tone was less than welcoming. It was obvious she wanted this done as fast as possible.</p><p>“I'm here to ask about a man, who's probably affiliated with the Joui.” Her eyes narrowed. “And why would that have anything to do with me?”</p><p>“We have reason to believe that he was part of the group that went into hiding in the apartment above. A sword we found up there probably belongs to him.” I intentionally hid the fact that the sword was stolen, it was bad enough that it happened, the media didn't have to catch wind of it as well.</p><p>“Well then, ask away,” she said, but not as hostile as before. “The man we are looking for goes by the name of Gintoki. He has white hair and red eyes. He was last seen wearing a white Kimono with blue patterns. Do you have any information on him?” Otose seemed to think for a moment, before she looked at me again and said: “I remember a guy looking like that. I saw him entering and leaving a few times, but I haven't really talked to him, only a hello here and then. Forcing myself not to sigh, I bowed and said thank you, before I left again. Gintoki really was like a ghost. No-one seemed to have any information on him, at least not the people I knew who had contact to him. I could only hope that Yamazaki found some information on him, otherwise we wouldn't have any leads left at all.</p><p>As soon as I was back in the barracks, Yamazaki came running to me. “I really found a Joui warrior by the name of Gintoki,” he said excitedly. I motioned him to go on. “His full name is Sakata Gintoki. During the war he was known as the White Demon. He had a reputation for being incredibly strong and even the Joui members feared him, or at least had great respect for him. He is said to have been part of the inner circle next to Katsura, Takasugi and Sakamoto. His current location is unknown and he hasn't been sighted at any of the recent attacks.” He hadn't been sighted at any of the attacks? How could that be? Was it possible that Gintoki wasn't a member of the Joui after all and he hadn't stolen the sword? But then how could the sword have been stolen? How was it possible that a perfectly locked away sword had been stolen from the evidence without any of the Shinsengumi noticing the person coming and leaving again, if nobody had let them inside? What if another Shinsengumi member let someone inside, a traitor among the Shinsengumi? While I refused to believe anyone in the Shinsengumi would betray us, I felt slight relief for the first time today, that maybe, just maybe, Gintoki wasn't the thief.</p><p>Oh, how wrong I was.</p><p>In the next few days I continued my search for Gintoki, that admittedly wasn't going so well, while I simultaneously discreetly looked for traitors amongst us. I had to do it without anyone noticing it, because if I was wrong then the whole Shinsengumi would hate me. And I wanted to avoid that as much as possible.</p><p>My search for Gintoki however, soon put a stop to my corruption research. Like I already said, it wasn't going very well. I was surprised all the more when Gintoki reached out to me all by himself.</p><p>It was about a week and a half after we had slept together, that I was on night patrol. I was patrolling the streets alone, as it was a residential area of the more snobby kind and crime rates were very low and our men were more needed in the more lively parts of town. I was wandering down a smaller street, when I saw a figure under one of the lanterns. Oh, who am I kidding. I didn't only see a figure, I was immediately able to tell it was Gintoki. His white hair and Kimono and his eyes glowing as red as always gave him away immediately, at least to me. Hadn't I seen the stolen sword on hip, who knows, maybe I would've pulled him to the barracks with me again, patrol be damned. He was just so stunning. Even now that I knew we were enemies he had something about him that just... pulled me closer.</p><p>But now that I knew he was the one who stole the sword, that he was at least affiliated with the Joui, I couldn't do that. And I was able to control myself. With that thought in mind I grinned and pulled my sword out of it's sheath. The bastard would pay for using me. Gintoki probably saw mw pulling out my sword, because he did the same as he stepped out from underneath the lantern and towards me.</p><p>“How nice to see you again, Hijikata-san,” he greeted me as he took on his fighting stance.</p><p>“You bastard, you used me.” Gintoki only grinned sheepishly. “Would it make you feel better that it wasn't my original plan to sleep with you to get it back?” I clenched my teeth, but decided to join his game while we circled each other as we were trying to find an opening in the others defence. “Is that so? Then what did you plan?” Gintoki didn't answer. Instead he swung his sword towards the right side of my face. I could barely react fast enough. Had I been only a second later then I was sure I would've been dead. I was so shocked by the sheer force and speed of Gintoki's attack, that I didn't notice how he came closer to me, so close that our noses almost touched. I could feel his calm breathing against my face and I was almost embarrassed that my breathing was already twice as fast as his. “My original plan was to cause a commotion and just walk in there to get it.” Again I could feel his breath against my lips as he spoke, and I could actually smell the sweetness he emitted, as though he had swallowed a bucket full of honey. The smell made my thoughts go racing as I was reminded of our one night together, his sweet taste, his sweet smell just before I fell asleep. Those memories made me want to kiss him again, to taste him again. But I was the Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi. I was trained to fight while thinking. So I pushed back his sword and snarled: “As if that would work!”, hoping that my voice didn't show my thoughts.</p><p>“Hoho, you think? I guess you made it easier for me then,” Gintoki sing sang in his teasing and not-at-all-concerned voice. “And a whole lot more fun.” The thought that I was the one who made it possible made me so angry that I started attacking Gintoki for real. If our fight had been somewhat playful before, it became dead serious from then on. At least for me. Because no matter how many times I attacked Gintoki, he blocked every single one of my blows. There was no sign of exhaustion on his face or in his stance. Instead he kept his teasing smile on his face. I was getting more and more tired with time and after a while I wasn't able to block properly anymore, his sword grazed me several times and both my arms and my left side of the face had bleeding cuts. This man truly was a monster. I was almost giving my all, and he didn't even seem exhausted. When he jumped behind me and split my sword in two, I gave up. There was no way I would be able to beat him alone. Hell, even Sougo wouldn't be able to do that. When all my strength left me, I fell on knees and didn't move anymore. I noticed Gintoki kneeling down beside me, but I didn't want to look at him. Just like on the evening when we met, he took my chin between his fingers and forced me to look at him.</p><p>I almost couldn't believe it, when he leaned down to kiss me again, almost. Because my body reacted on it's own when my lips moved to return the kiss. It was surprisingly soft considering we had just fought each other. When Gintoki and I parted he grinned at me again and said: “This was fun, Hijikata-san, let's do it again sometime.”, before he kissed me teasingly one more time and disappeared into the night.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I think Gintoki might be a bit overpowered in this one, but well...<br/>Again, I'm sorry for any mistakes. Feel free to correct me!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>After that night, I knew we were done for. Gintoki truly was deserving of his name, he was a monster, a demon. There was no way that the Shinsengumi would be able to catch him. But I knew we had to try. That was our task. But how were we supposed to do that when we were dealing with someone like him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And how was I supposed to do that? I knew my attraction to Gintoki was dangerous, destructive even. I needed to change my strategy. I needed to find his weak spots.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Having lost to him in such a devastating and embarrassing way was a true shock to me. How I was supposed to face my men after this I didn't know. But I knew that I had to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sakata Gintoki... That man truly was a monster. It was no wonder the Shinsengumi had never been able to act out against the Jouishishi if a man like him was amongst them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To be honest, I didn't know what I was supposed to do. So again, in hope of finding something, anything that could help me with this, I started investigating on Gintoki again. At least now I had his real name, his identity. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the following weeks I buried myself in fikes in the archive, whenever I had a second to spare. However knowing his real name didn't seem to help at all. Gintoki basically was a phantom. There was no mention of him before the Joui wars, nowhere. One would assume a warrior of almost legendary status like Gintoki was would have been mentioned prior to the wars. Even as a child he had to have been exceptional. But no. Not a word was spared on him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the same time a lot was known about Katsura's and Takasugi's personal history, having come from big and rich families.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gintoki was a ghost. But being a policeman, an investigator even not being mentioned told me a lot about him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gintoki wasn't from a noble family. Had he been, the family would have boasted about his talent, being a prodigy and whatnot. There was no way that he wouldn't have been mentioned. The same could be said about the potential of being offspring of an otherwise important family.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it also told me about his opinion of himself, in a way at least. Not being mentioned prior to the war told me that he couldn't care less about being admired by other, that he didn't care about his title. And that thought made me smile. He seemed like a carefree bastard well enough not to care about something like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yet that told me nothing about his weaknesses. That told me nothing about how I was supposed to beat him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My hope to have come up with a strategy by the time we met again was quickly diminished after only two months when I ran into him yet again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just like when we first met, I walked into my usual place, ordered and sat down, only to spit out my precious mayonnaise when I saw him entering the shop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Apparently I had caused a small commotion, because he immediately turned his head to face me. At first, for barely a second, there seemed to be shock on his face, but it quickly faded into that typical smug smirk of his that sent off fireworks in my chest, a fact that probably should have worried me more than it did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well well, if it isn't Hijikata-kun." The laughter was clearly audible in his voice and the shock I felt immediately shifted into annoyance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I quickly grabbed the sword at my side, unsheathed it and pointed its tip in his face. Since I didn't have a strategy, I decided to improvise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sakata Gintoki, I arrest you for association with the Joui terrorist group." As though what I had said was the funniest thing he had ever heard, he started laughing out loud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hahaha—" He took a deep breath. "This is hilarious! Do you really think you can arrest me just like that? Don't you remember anything from our fight last time? Gin-chan is way out of your league, Hijikata-kun~"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just hearing the way he talked about himself in third person ticked me off. Grinding my teeth together I took a leap and swung my sword towards him. I could hear several screams in the background but my focus was entirely on Gintoki who still had that stupid smirk on his face that did stupid things to my heart which made me even angrier. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He still hadn't drawn his sword casually dodged my attacks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really, Hijikata-kun~ You shouldn’t draw your sword in a place like this, what if somebody gets hurt?” I didn’t answer and kept attacking him. Still, I knew he was right. Also, this shop was my favourite, if I wouldn’t be able to come here anymore that would be a real shame. After launching one last attack, I finally sheathed my sword.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The shop owner, who had stayed silent in shock throughout the whole ordeal finally addressed me in wonder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you two were romantically involved, weren’t you trying to woo him the other day?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I let out a long sigh of exasperation while Gintoki started to laugh in amusement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should’ve just said so, Hijikata-kun, I would gladly let you woo me,” he said, winking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At night in my quarters an idea slowly started to form. At the same time I wanted to slap myself for its stupidity. There was no way I could actually do that. But while the mature side of my brain was more and more convinced at the stupidity of it, the other side, the one that made my heart beat wildly at the sight of Gintoki’s smirk, that was clearly just a sign of fighting instinct and had nothing to do with a crush, was convinced that this plan could actually work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeah, there was no way I would do that.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello again!<br/>I know this took a long time, I'm sorry.<br/>I'm almost finished with the story, only the last scene is missing so the rest of the chapters should follow throughout the next week.<br/>How are you by the way? I hope this whole crisis hasn't caused you any major problems. Remember to stay safe and don't take any unnecessary risks!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>So I decided to woo him. Yes, it was stupid. I knew that and yet I felt oddly tempted to follow through with it. And considering the lack of another strategy I thought what the hell do I have to lose? My heart? Who needs that anyway? Not me. (At least that's what my chapter 4 self thought. Yes, dear readers, you are allowed to judge me.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Anyways, I also knew I couldn't just start to woo him, because first of all, if that didn't scream suspicious to him, I didn't know what would. And second of all, what would my men think if I, the demon Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi, Hijikata Toushirou, would just start to woo a known terrorist. Nothing good, that was for sure.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So, even though I at least had a strategy of some sort, I didn't exactly have a plan to follow through with it. And I especially had no idea on how to actually woo someone, even less how to do so without anyone noticing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So I started moping around. But not for long.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Because oddly enough, the next time I had night patrol on my own, in the same area as the time that Gintoki and I had fought for the first time, Gintoki appeared again. And again and again. It almost seemed as if he enjoyed our fights, because he kept coming back for more. And each time it finished with me down on my knees and a soft kiss pressed to my lips, before his presence vanished into nothingness.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Besides the usual embarrassment I felt at losing again and again to this asshole, I started wondering why he would come to time after time, only to risk getting arrested. And I started to wonder to myself why I didn't just grab backup the next time and just arrested him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I had a feeling that Gintoki was lonely. It hadn't crossed my mind before, but each time I saw Gintoki, he was alone. Even when we had found their hideout and his sword, he seemed to have been out and about on his own. Why he hadn't taken his sword with him was confusing to me, but it was probably to avoid getting arrested for carrying a sword in public. It made me wonder if he even had friends or someone to call family.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And while I realized how lonely Gintoki must be feeling, I realized that I just couldn't bring myself to bring backup with me. Our fights were oddly intimate and I found that I didn't want anyone else meddling. I didn't want anyone to break that fragile intimacy we had created for ourselves. The fights had become a weird kind of shelter where I could just let go of any tenseness my work gave me. Where I could just let go for once and enjoy myself in a way that wasn't drinking. And although I wouldn't like to admit this out loud, I enjoyed being in Gintoki's company. I enjoyed his ease while fighting, his witty and annoying remarks, the way he carried himself, even the way he made fun of me, as though he had known me his entire life. It was refreshing and oddly comforting. If anyone were to destroy this world we had created for ourselves I didn’t know what I would do. I caught myself hoping that it would never end. Maybe I was lonely, too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On one of these nights Gintoki and I were fighting again. My lungs burned from exhaustion, my arms hurt from all the impacts of Gintoki’s sword on mine. And yet I found myself unable to stop. Gintoki’s red eyes never left me and I felt my heart flutter like the first time that I met him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Taking another deep breath I swung my sword towards his throat. He quickly took a step back and turned. I barely saw his arm moving before he had already hit the sword out of my hand. I was too tired to continue fighting. I raised my head and continued breathing deeply while I was waiting for him to grab my chin and kiss me again. But he didn’t. After I had calmed down a bit, I opened  my eyes to see him look at me with a small smile grazing his lips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” I winced at the weakness of my own voice. The exhaustion couldn’t be overheard.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re getting better,” he said, still smiling. “Still no match for me though.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I scowled. “Yes, yes, Mr. Prodigy, no one’s a match for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a moment of silence, he (finally) stepped closer and put a hand on my cheek. While his thumb caressed me he looked deeply into my eyes. In spite of myself I found myself leaning into his touch, and after a bit of obligatory resistance I even closed my eyes. It felt nice to feel some warmth and comfort, and over time I realized that I had grown used to Gintoki’s soft touch. Despite his strong fighting and seemingly hard shell, his touch was always warm and soft without even a trace of harshness. It was calming, even after having just fought with him, with real weapons and real and strong technique. This discrepancy made me feel even more drawn to him. I knew this was dangerous, I knew this had to stop, but I just couldn’t bring myself to. Even more so because my entire plan relied on my connection to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Deep down of course, I knew that my whole plan was just another excuse to be close to him, just another excuse to why I didn’t just end it all by bringing backup with me and arrest him. But I couldn’t bring myself to care. I knew that once I brought backup with me, this would be over. That this space he and I had created for ourselves would become a world I would only revisit in my dreams. Despite knowing that this was my duty, that it was my duty to bring Gintoki down, I didn’t want to give this up just yet. gintoki made me feel alive in a way I hadn’t felt in quite a while and I was willing to dig my own grave just to feel this for a little while longer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I didn’t feel any surprise when I felt his lips on mine. My body responded immediately. Expecting him to pull away soon I held onto the wrist of the hand that was holding my cheek. But he didn’t pull away, at least not as fast as I expected him to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Instead he deepened the kiss slightly, while moving on to hold my waist with his other hand. Sinking into the familiar feeling of warmth, comfort and excitement I leaned into his touch and felt him do the same.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he finally drew away I was more than just out of breath. After all, my lungs and body were still sore from our fight just moments earlier and by no way had I been expecting a kiss this long and deep. But I found I didn’t care much, be it because I was still high on adrenaline from the fight, only because of his kiss or possibly a mix of both, I found myself wanting for more even more so than usual, with slight arousal surging through my body. When I looked into Gintoki’s eyes I could see them just as mine probably were, the same heat eminent in his gaze. Without thinking for even a second we both leaned in for more.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Here it is, the next chapter! I don't think I ever uploaded so frequently...<br/>As always, I hope you liked it!<br/>If everything goes well, the next chapter will be up between Thursday and Friday, since I have a lot planned the next week.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I felt ashamed. More than ashamed.</p><p>As I lay on my own in the bed of the cheap love hotel Gintoki had dragged me to (or had I dragged him?) I wanted nothing more than to be swallowed by the bed in shame, even if that meant I was forever exposed to the disgusting fucking of strangers.</p><p>What had I done? Yes, I had intended to woo him, but nowhere did I imply that I wanted to sleep with him again.</p><p>Who am I kidding? Of course I wanted to sleep with him again, but I hadn't intended to follow through with it!</p><p>Buried by my thoughts of shame I listened to the shower running. If I really wanted to I could surprise him now and maybe even overpower him...</p><p>Sighing I draped an arm over my eyes.</p><p>There was no way I could just do that. My pride wouldn't allow it. It would totally seem like I had used my body as a bait and that was something I never wanted to do.</p><p>I didn't know how much time had passed when I felt the bed dip next to me and a warm presence pressing itself to my body. I lazily lifted my arm and turned my head to face him. His vivid red eyes were enthralling to look at every time I saw them. He gave me a soft smile.</p><p>Not the one he usually carried on his face, the one mocking everyone around him. Not the one he wore during battle. A warm, almost vulnerable one that I had seen only once before.</p><p>“Will you get in trouble for this?” he asked. His voice was sincere. I didn't answer. I wouldn't get in trouble for this. I hadn't told anyone about our fights, no one knew I was still after him, at least more than usual. But did I want him to know this? It would mean admitting not only to him, but also to myself, that our fights, our time alone was important to me. It would mean bearing myself to him, with all my vulnerability.</p><p>I didn't want that.</p><p>But if I said yes, it would risk scaring him away. It would risk destroying our little world, destroying the fragile bond that we had created. More than anything I didn't want that to happen. So I remained silent.</p><p>After a small moment he barely audibly sighed, as if to show that he didn't need an answer anymore and layed his head on my shoulder, so that I could no longer see his face.</p><p>Maybe he understood my silence, understood what I hadn't said. And maybe he didn't. I didn't know.</p><p>I found myself contend in this silence, contend with running my fingers through his hair, listening to his breathing, feeling the soft rise and fall of his chest against my side, his soft breath against my chest. If only we could stay like this forever.</p><p> </p><p>It occurred to me only days later that this was my chance at getting to know Gintoki. Getting to know his weaknesses. And it seemed like Gintoki, too, wasn't too appalled by this situation, because now every time we “ran into each other” when I had night patrol on my own, he initiated another round after we fought. It was almost as if it had become some sort of ritual for us. We would fight, which then led to us making out, which led to sex (most of the time at least) which led to late night cuddles and whispered conversations, before we went our separate ways again.</p><p>And our fights seemed to become shorter and shorter as well, it was like from then on the fights were just used as some half assed excuse as to why we were meeting up.</p><p>And yet Gintoki was still incredibly guarded, especially when it came to his personal history. Not that I wasn't the same. I only told him information about me that he wouldn't be able to use against me, in fights or otherwise, should the time come that this was over.</p><p>And it would come, I was sure of it.</p><p>But still, there were things he told me, little stories of his childhood whispered into the room whenever I was almost asleep by his side, lulled by his warm and comforting voice. Stories of how he would wander the country with his sensei, of how he was trained. The story of how he had a home for the first time in his life.</p><p>I wrote everything I learned about him down, everything that I deemed potentially useful for a battle strategy against him. Everything except these little stories that he told me. It made me a little proud, happy even, that I knew things about him that no one else knew. That I knew him in a way that most of his enemies would never get to know about him.</p><p>His warmth, his vulnerability. His childishness and his passion. Had he and I met differently I wouldn't have been able to meet this side of him.</p><p>I knew of the monster he was in a fight. But I also knew how incredibly human he could be. And I wanted to keep this side of him to myself, as long as I was still able to witness it.</p><p> </p><p>I let Kondou-san in on it after the third time I had slept with Gintoki.</p><p>To say he was shocked was an understatement.</p><p>“Do you know what situation you're getting yourself in?!” he yelled. Despite that it was a rarity for me to be on the receiving end of a scolding this serious, especially from Kondou-san, I remained calm.</p><p>“Yes, I do, Kondou-san. But I simply see no other way of dealing with this situation.”</p><p>“You call sleeping with him, dealing with the situation? Toushi, I'll have you know the only reason why I'm not suspending you right on this spot is because I trust you.” I nodded. I was fully aware of that.</p><p>“Aren't you supposed to be the brain of the Shinsengumi?! How come you came up with such a stupid idea?!” He continued his scolding for another 30 minutes before he finally calmed down a bit.</p><p>“If you continue with this, I expect you to write me a report after each meeting. And you will finish this whole thing as quickly as possible, understand?” Again, I nodded.</p><p>But ending proved to be more of an issue than I expected.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wow... there is really only one chapter left...<br/>This is the first fanfiction with multiple chapters that I published on this account and it will also be the first one I'll finish.<br/>I hope I can upload the last chapter on the weekend, but I promise nothing, since I wrote the entire last chapter by hand and will have to type it first... But I'll try, I promise!<br/>As always I hope you liked this chapter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here it is! As promised the last chapter.<br/>Enjoy!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was no denying it. I loved spending time with Gintoki. I loved getting to know him. I loved being in his presence. I loved listening to him when we lay in each others' arms. I was reluctant to let go of this. After more than two months of this affair I had already realized that I wouldn't get any information out of him. Not regarding any Joui activity, not regarding his own weaknesses. And while that definitely disappointed me to some extend, I didn't care as much as I should have. Because as long as I didn't get any useful information out of him, I had an excuse to continue whatever this was.</p><p>But I also knew that Kondou-san was getting impatient. He didn't like this. And while I was reluctant to admit it, I knew that this was wrong, that it couldn't go on forever, no matter how much I wished it did.</p><p>So after we passed the three month mark, and entered the fourth, I started planning. It pained me to go after Gintoki's back like this. But I knew it had to be done.</p><p>On our last evening together, one week before the Shinsengumi would step into action, I lay in his arms on the bed of our usual hotel-</p><p>I wanted to relish in this touch as much as I could while I still had the time to do so. Distractedly I drew small patterns onto his chest while I felt his heart beating beneath it. It was calming.</p><p>At some point Gintoki pulled my hand away and towards his mouth. Softly he kissed every finger before moving onto my hand. Then he kissed a trail along my arm to my neck, where he sucked a small hickey onto it right beneath my jaw, before finally coming to a halt right in front of my lips.</p><p>Without saying anything, he started to kiss me gently. I didn't wait to return the kiss, slowly turning n his embrace, so that my body hovered above his. After a moment or two he pulled away again and looked into my eyes.</p><p>“How about another round?” he asked. I could only nod dazedly, still on a high from our kiss, before we started our second round of that night.</p><p>Maybe he had felt that our time together was coming to an end, maybe he had just been feeling like it, but that night he had been especially soft and gentle, even more so that usual.</p><p>When I woke up the next morning he was gone.</p><p>The following week was a blur. I was busy with preparations and planning, but most of all I just didn't want to think. I didn't want to think about his presence, about his touch, his laughter, his everything.</p><p>That is why I barely remember anything at all about that week.</p><p>The battle however would become something I wouldn't be able to forget for the rest of my life.</p><p>I went alone. I knew we wouldn't have a chance if Gintoki saw our whole troupe. Our only chance was to surprise him.</p><p>When I arrived at our usual spot I immediately knew Gintoki was aware about what was going to happen. He wore clothes I had never seen him in before. While it wasn't an entire fight monture it was more fight oriented than his usual white kimono, nonetheless it was white.</p><p>He knew. How, I am not sure. Maybe he felt it. Maybe he read it out of my behaviour, who knows.</p><p>When he saw me approaching him he flashed me a sad smile.</p><p>“So it's over?” I knew he didn't expect an answer from me, so I said nothing. Instead I took on my fighting stance and attacked.</p><p>Gintoki didn't have his usual smile on his face.</p><p>My first attack went straight to his head. I knew he would be able to dodge it of course, but I had expected him to start a counterattack immediately, like he usually did. To this day I don't know why. But I couldn't let myself be distracted by my thoughts and emotions which were running wild in the back of my mind. I had to continue.</p><p>His passivity allowed me to start several more attacks. Two to his stomach. Then one swing upwards to his face. Two more towards his chest. All of them were blocked but none of them were countered.</p><p>Finally Gintoki took a step back, dodging another one of my attacks, the took one quick leap forwards, using my surprise as a chance to attack. I barely managed to block his attacks towards my head and throat, but his attack to my chest landed. I hissed in pain and crouched down. I could feel the blood flow down my chest and torso, my left hand was stained in my blood as I held my chest in pain.</p><p>Although this would've been the perfect moment for Gintoki to put me down for good, to kill me, he didn't. Instead I could feel his gaze on me. Why wouldn't he attack?</p><p>I had no chance to ask him as my troupes led by Sougo arrived and immediately started attacking him.</p><p>Why wouldn't my chest stop bleeding? Had the sword really cut that deep? All I knew was that I was loosing a lot of blood and my vision slowly started blurring.</p><p>Being on the ground as I was I couldn't really see what was going on. But I heard my men's screams; screams as they were attacking, screams as they were struck down. Both so different, both so familiar to me.</p><p>When I was finally able to stand up again, though my body heavily protested, barely any of my men were still standing. There was Sougo who was barely in a better condition than I was, and maybe five or six more, lower rank members, who were barely able to stand anymore.</p><p>And then there was Gintoki amidst them all, fighting, attacking, dodging all of their attacks. For the first time in all the time I had known him, something similar to tiredness stuck to his body. And yet, his entire body emitted an aura of grace, of elegance, every step of his powerful and merciless. This moment, when he danced his deadly dance, a white spark in the dark, his red eyes burning with passion I realized what a monster he truly was. I realized that I loved him. I loved a monster, a demon truly deserving of his name. That' what I understood in that moment.</p><p>Again I joined the fight. Still I was losing blood, both from my chest wound and new wounds that were added while the fight progressed. Still I was in shock from my realization. But I knew I had a task. This was what my men had fought for, the men that had been taken down by him.</p><p>Somehow Gintoki was able to block both mine and Sougo's attacks, who was for once not trying to kill me during the fight, while taking down the others at the same time. And suddenly it was only me and Sougo who were left.</p><p>All three of us had ragged breath, Gintoki was covered in multiple small wounds that coloured several patches of his white clothing in red. Sougo and I both were in far worse conditions. The blood flow of my wound still hadn't stopped. While it was slow, I could feel my sight worsen minute by minute and I knew if this fight wasn't over soon I wouldn't be there to witness the end of it.</p><p>In a final act of desperation I lashed out with all the energy I had left. In the corner of my eye I could see Sougo do the same. Both of us attacked at the same time. I managed to give him a big cut on his shoulder that sprayed some blood and made Gintoki visibly wince in pain. His tiredness was clear even in his stance.</p><p>Nevertheless he continued fighting. Although slower than before, his movement was still incredibly fast and powerful. With one last blow he took out Sougo who fell to his knees, unconscious, next to me. Then he turned to face me, his expression calm, yet heated.</p><p>In this one calm moment between us, the sweet smell of blood rose up to my nose. The heavy scent of iron weighted down on the air and it was getting hard to breathe. I took a deep breath, ignoring the sharp pain in my bloody chest and my tired arms, raised my sword and looked Gintoki in the eyes. His demonic stare nearly made me falter, his eyes were as red as freshly spilled blood, as red as spider lilies, the flowers of death and just as deadly. Oh, how I loved those eyes. I wouldn't be able to forget them for the rest of my life, the way they stared into my soul and stripped me of all my covers.</p><p>For one last moment my vision was clear, filled only with Gintoki's stare, before I could feel my conscience slip away and my legs give out beneath me. In the distance I could hear my sword hit the ground. For one short moment I felt a pair of warm and soft lips on mine, before I finally blacked out.</p><p>When I woke up again I was in the infirmary of the barracks. The beds were all filled with the men I had taken with me on this mission against Gintoki.</p><p>There was a heavy bandaid wrapped around my chest, under which slowly a scar was forming that would forever remind me of my time with Gintoki.</p><p>It took me a while to process what had happened. Not only had we lost, Gintoki had taken out all of us singlehandedly. Not only had my plan failed, I even fell in love with him.</p><p>I loved his strength, his fighting, his tenderness when we were alone together in the darkness of the night, his passion and his arrogance. I loved all of it. And I knew I could never have it again.</p><p>Never again would I be able to feel his warmth next to me, never again would I be able to feel the softness of his touch, hear the rhythm of his heart, listen to his soft voice, never again would I be able to feel his the way I did these past six months. It was all over. I would forever be left with this emptiness inside my heart.</p><p>In the silence of the infirmary I finally let loose of all the tears that had been threatening to come out since I had realized that my time with Gintoki would come to an end. I let all the pain and sorrow that I felt engulf me and wrap me in a blanket of loneliness.</p><p>Not a day had passed, but I already missed his warm touch, his witty remarks, the laughter in his voice. All those things I knew I could never have again. I was forever left with the memory.</p><p>This truly had been a bad idea. Just what was I supposed to do now?</p><p> </p><p>END.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It is finally done!<br/>First of all, I want to thank everybody who has read this stupid ff, since the plot is really ... something...<br/>I also want to note that the fight scene in this ff is the first fight scene I've ever written, so I'd be thankful for a few reviews, so that I can further improve myself.</p><p>Now, I was thinking about writing a counterpart to this ff, out of Gintoki's perspective, since even though I made Gintoki stay in the Jouishishi, I didn't go into his motivation at all, or in any other way into his character, which in hindsight I regret a little. Though if I'm going to do that it's (probably) only going to be a one shot, but who knows what'll happen! I just wanted to check if you'd be interested in that. Maybe I'll even write a sequel, I don't know yet. Let me know in the comments what you think! Reviews in general are also welcome!</p><p>Again, Thank you for reading, and maybe we'll see each other again in another story!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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